This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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