Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
