Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
