Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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