your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
