I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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