THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
