I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
