last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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