I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
