I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
