Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it's great music for shaving your balls
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
