I didn't shave. On purpose
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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