so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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