so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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