thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
