why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
