woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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