It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
