5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
