My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
