I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
