I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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