I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Panties = found
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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