Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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