she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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