You're my little dorito
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
