It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
