I'm jealous of your bromance
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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