people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
