So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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