Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This baby is an asshole
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
