why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
