You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
