do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
