fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
