He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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