there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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