It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
