My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
