i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
