well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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