So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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