I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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