I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize