dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
