Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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