Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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