Your face is a jimmy john
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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