were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
