lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
