You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
