Got a toothbrush?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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