the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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