I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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