I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
