bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
