btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
