i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
