trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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