it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
