If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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