a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
