So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Boobs speak an international language.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
