You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
