I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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