If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
