just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
