I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
