Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
