Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
