trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Floor bacon is actually really good
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize