one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
