So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
