Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
