And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
